As the story goes, you find your true love in high school, break up in college, find each other 5 yrs later. Catch-up on old times over dinner, champagne, and strawberries. 11p turns into 5a and you are still wrapped in each others arms. Only now you have to be at work by 8a and you don't feel like getting up to put the unopened condom wrapper back in the night stand . So what do you do? You call out of work, risk losing your job because you are already on probation for telling it like it is to a coworker a few weeks back. But you don't care because you are laying sunny side up with your high school sweetheart of whom you know you are the perfect soul mate for.You roll over and stare at him, thinking about where you both went wrong causing the relationship to end a few years back and then you throw the thought away as that reason doesn't matter because you are so happy that you found each other.
But that reason does matter...
As we all know, history repeats itself and life is a cycle. Whatever that reason was back then for the break-up will resurface, but now you are stuck with him because all of a sudden your "stomach bug" turns into 9 months of hospital visits and prenatal pills. Congratulations!!
So now you get to first hand experience The Miracle of Life... that same miracle that we all like to watch in aww from afar but aren't too excited when we are the ones receiving. Yeah, that one. Not saying that there is anything wrong with conceiving, at least we know now that your ovaries work and his soldiers march. But lets be real, we know you would have preferred your sunny side up a little more scrambled, and your oversize belly a little more flat. So now what do you do? You put on a smile and try to ignore his texts of I can't do this and I'm not ready. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. And it might have been if you were still included when your friends go out, and you didn't regurgitate your favorite meals. But hey, you'll lose the weight somehow. Never mind the fact that you can't walk upstairs without waddling or that your thighs now rub together, or even that you have to buy waterproof make-up for all the tears that you have been shedding. What so sad about kibbles n bits commercials??
What I'm getting at ladies is... we have to be smarter. We have to be careful. A baby does not equal a happy home, nor does it equal a guaranteed ring on the third finger in on your left hand. We have to be smart and safe, even if our men chose not to be. In the time he takes to remove his clothes, you could have already had a condom in hand... and lets stop expecting him to provide. STOCK UP LADIES. Pick the kind you want; there's flavors and all!! I love the grape ones!! No one is saying don't have sex... I'm just saying, do it with a purpose, and if there is no purpose, do it safely.
Enjoy!!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Recent BC "Hate Crime"
Campus seems to be on the rise right now. Everyone's middle name is probably Malcolm X. Angry students scream for justice on a story that doesn't quite agree with itself (in my opinion). A couple of questions I would have to ask myself if I was the girl who was allegedly called a "dirty spic" and "stabbed and kicked" two consecutive days:
1) What would make me think going out a second day without a friend at abnormal hours was okay after I was just attacked yesterday?
2) Why didn't I try a little harder when he "kicked" me to get a better description of him for the police?
3) What "stabbing" is so miniscule that by the very next day, I am out and about again unless it was in fact, "a scratch"?
4) Why did I not follow up with BCPD on my own when it happened, or was I giving myself enough time to create a believable story?
5)Is my high and mighty courage a tactic to draw attention away from the more important issues going on and to place it on myself?
Just some of the questions I thought I would ask myself if I was in her shoes. But I'm not. So in the end, she can take this story however far she wants to and to whom ever she wants to. Hopefully she doesn't ruin the face of my alma mater. I think I would have done a few things a little differently though.
1) What would make me think going out a second day without a friend at abnormal hours was okay after I was just attacked yesterday?
2) Why didn't I try a little harder when he "kicked" me to get a better description of him for the police?
3) What "stabbing" is so miniscule that by the very next day, I am out and about again unless it was in fact, "a scratch"?
4) Why did I not follow up with BCPD on my own when it happened, or was I giving myself enough time to create a believable story?
5)Is my high and mighty courage a tactic to draw attention away from the more important issues going on and to place it on myself?
Just some of the questions I thought I would ask myself if I was in her shoes. But I'm not. So in the end, she can take this story however far she wants to and to whom ever she wants to. Hopefully she doesn't ruin the face of my alma mater. I think I would have done a few things a little differently though.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
If I Had a Diary- Part 1
Dear Diary,
I told him I was proud of him and his progression with his spirituality. He seemed, for once, genuinely concerned with whether I was making any progress. Truth is, I hadn't thought about it until he asked me.
I've been avoiding mirrors and avoiding my reality for quite some time now that I almost have myself convinced that it is real. I admire him. The conversations always leave me questioning the questioning the purpose of my whole being. The hugs always leave me wishing someone could make me feel as protected and safe as he does. The love making leaves me helpless in that I know we can never be, but I know there is no one else that will ever make me feel the same way. Will anyone else ever be enough?
We found ourselves wrapped in each other, which we often do, and the feeling we both felt afterwards solidified why we can't be. I've never evaluated my relations with someone the way I did with him that night; and I know it's the same for him. As he stood over me, I couldn't look him in his eyes because I know I failed him. I will never want anything less than the best for him, but some small piece of me has me wondering if that is the role I am supposed to play.
We can't be friends because our chemistry and physical attraction is at an all time high. But, does that mean we should never speak to each other in order to avoid it? Our history is so rich that it seems almost unfair to us both to try to erase if from out lives. Maybe we are supposed to be so much more than seasonal fuck buddies. Maybe we are supposed to be so much more than we want ourselves to think. We are probably in agreement that now just isn't the right time. But do we have to continue that social awkwardness that exists over simply taking it one day at a time. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, and I have no idea about what I expect to come of this. What I do know is I live with the fear of never knowing if we can ever be friend again. I live with the fear of never knowing if he will ever accept our obvious attractions to each other, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I live everyday with the fear of never knowing that if we truly gave it out best, would it have worked out.
I've had to tacked a lot in the past week. I've had a lot of time to reflect on my life, the people in it, and where I want to be. He may never know he helped me in more ways that night that providing me with the security of having a warm body beside me to help me sleep. He gave me a new expectation. One not only of myself, but one of the people I let in my life. Because of his presence, I've come to two new goals that I wish to accomplish in the next year.
Celibacy. Long Distance Running.
As far as celibacy, I never want to risk losing his presence in my life, so we have to practice control over out bodies, our minds, and our thoughts. He showed me that and I really want to make a genuine effort. As far as long distance running, I believe physical shape is a state of mind. If I don't say I am tired, I won't be tired. I want to use running to train my thought to control my body. I have to be in charge and not give into the temptations that the world will throw my way. I want nothing more than his continuous unintentional support, and hopefully one day, I will again be able to look in the mirror and see the progression I've made.
I told him I was proud of him and his progression with his spirituality. He seemed, for once, genuinely concerned with whether I was making any progress. Truth is, I hadn't thought about it until he asked me.
I've been avoiding mirrors and avoiding my reality for quite some time now that I almost have myself convinced that it is real. I admire him. The conversations always leave me questioning the questioning the purpose of my whole being. The hugs always leave me wishing someone could make me feel as protected and safe as he does. The love making leaves me helpless in that I know we can never be, but I know there is no one else that will ever make me feel the same way. Will anyone else ever be enough?
We found ourselves wrapped in each other, which we often do, and the feeling we both felt afterwards solidified why we can't be. I've never evaluated my relations with someone the way I did with him that night; and I know it's the same for him. As he stood over me, I couldn't look him in his eyes because I know I failed him. I will never want anything less than the best for him, but some small piece of me has me wondering if that is the role I am supposed to play.
We can't be friends because our chemistry and physical attraction is at an all time high. But, does that mean we should never speak to each other in order to avoid it? Our history is so rich that it seems almost unfair to us both to try to erase if from out lives. Maybe we are supposed to be so much more than seasonal fuck buddies. Maybe we are supposed to be so much more than we want ourselves to think. We are probably in agreement that now just isn't the right time. But do we have to continue that social awkwardness that exists over simply taking it one day at a time. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, and I have no idea about what I expect to come of this. What I do know is I live with the fear of never knowing if we can ever be friend again. I live with the fear of never knowing if he will ever accept our obvious attractions to each other, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I live everyday with the fear of never knowing that if we truly gave it out best, would it have worked out.
I've had to tacked a lot in the past week. I've had a lot of time to reflect on my life, the people in it, and where I want to be. He may never know he helped me in more ways that night that providing me with the security of having a warm body beside me to help me sleep. He gave me a new expectation. One not only of myself, but one of the people I let in my life. Because of his presence, I've come to two new goals that I wish to accomplish in the next year.
Celibacy. Long Distance Running.
As far as celibacy, I never want to risk losing his presence in my life, so we have to practice control over out bodies, our minds, and our thoughts. He showed me that and I really want to make a genuine effort. As far as long distance running, I believe physical shape is a state of mind. If I don't say I am tired, I won't be tired. I want to use running to train my thought to control my body. I have to be in charge and not give into the temptations that the world will throw my way. I want nothing more than his continuous unintentional support, and hopefully one day, I will again be able to look in the mirror and see the progression I've made.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)